Back To School (Neurodivergent Family Edition)
When you are a neurodivergent parent to neurodivergent children, you know that back to school brings a complex set of emotions. As for me, I look forward to a predictable routine that includes uninterrupted work hours and knowing that my kids aren’t on their screens all day. I’m excited for them to be able to see their friends every day and to participate in sports and afterschool activities. I can’t wait to have more time alone to fill my cup.
On the other hand… back to school for an ADHD/ Autistic family isn’t simple. There are the emotional and sensory stimuli. The increased demands on performance both in and out of school. Parenting dysregulated kids takes patience. And let’s not forget everything that we need to REMEMBER! One of my biggest struggles as a parent is the executive function skills required to keep track of ALL. THE. THINGS.
Permission slips. Medical forms. Emergency contacts. Homework. Projects. Newsletters. Updates. School events. Class events.
My ADHD brain sometimes feels like it’s constantly scanning for what I forgot, what I will forget or what I was confused about. My working memory and executive functioning empty gas tank light seems to go on within days of school starting.
Thankfully, there are ways to stay on top of most everything without depending on these skills. The key is to develop a system for the way your brain actually works that is low demand and high reward.
Choose Your Visual Loading Zone
When your working memory and object permanence skills are not reliable, you need to find external visual cues. Putting school papers into the junk drawer makes them cease to exist for many ADHD and Autistic parents.
To stay in touch with important paperwork of physical objects, create one visual loading zone near an area you poss by often. This might be a kitchen counter or a front door table that has room for storage. Use a brightly colored basket, file organizer or a giant wall clip labeled DO THIS NOW!
Now, establish a family routine around checking backpacks and folders that works for everyone. I often use checklists to complete and screen time as a reward to create accountability for myself and my kids.
Systemizing paperwork completion
If you are like me, you keep seeing or thinking about forms to complete, either online or on paper, getting overwhelmed and putting them off. This wastes precious energy on something seemingly small. There are two different approaches you can take depending on how your brain works.
The Touch-Once Method: If a form takes less than two minutes to fill out (such as standard permission slips or photo consent), fill it out the second it enters the loading zone, slide it back into the backpack, and be done with it.
The Admin Batch: If touch-once isn't realistic, don't try to tackle forms piecemeal throughout the day. Pick one designated window per week to process every single form, email reply, and calendar update in one hyper focused swoop. Make sure you schedule this window into your calendar or set an alarm!
Simplify Emails for Teachers
Re-inventing the wheel every August when introducing your neurodivergent child to a new teacher is exhausting. Instead, compose a simple, friendly template you can customize and reuse every single year.
Keep it short, bulleted, and collaborative. Teachers are overwhelmed, too, and bullet points are an act of mercy for everyone involved. Feel free to use the following template:
Subject: Hello from [Child's Name]'s family!
Hi [Teacher's Name],
We are so excited for [Child's Name] to be in your class this year! We wanted to quickly introduce ourselves and share a few brief notes that help [Child's Name] thrive in the classroom:
Sensory Needs: [Child's Name] is sensitive to [bright lights/loud noises/certain textures] and uses [headphones/discreet fidgets] when feeling overwhelmed.
Transitions: Giving a 2-minute warning before switching activities helps [Child’s Name] transition smoothly.
Communication: The best way to reach us for non-urgent updates is via [Email/School App].
Thank you so much for all you do. We're looking forward to a great year working together!
Warmly,
[Your Name]
Manage the Email and App Overwhelm
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had to learn SeeSaw, Canvas, PowerSchool and Google Classroom over the years. I’ve had to remember to check these apps and a few years had to use two different apps for the same kid! It’s honestly a sensory and cognitive overload that isn’t sustainable.
I have learned some tricks to streamline all of the incoming information to reduce the load and make it more manageable:
Turn off push notifications for non-emergencies: You do not need a phone buzz every time a school newsletter drops. Turn off push notifications for school apps and check them manually on your own schedule.
Create a "School" email folder: Set up a simple filter in your inbox so any email containing the school's name or domain automatically routes into a single folder. That way, your main inbox stays clean, and you know exactly where to look when searching for the field trip details. I set a timer or block out time in my calendar daily to look at this folder.
Sync immediately: The moment you read an email with a date (picture day, early dismissal, parent-teacher conferences), put it straight into your digital calendar with two reminders set: one for the day before, and one for one hour before.
Practice Self Compassion for Being Good Enough
This is often the hardest skill to learn so here is your official reminder: A late form or a missed dress-up day is not a parenting failure.
Your child does not need a parent who manages school paperwork perfectly. They need a parent who is regulated, present, and compassionate. If Pajama Day slipped through the cracks or you had to fill out the emergency contact form in the school parking lot while idling, you are still doing a fantastic job.
Give yourself grace this season. We're all just doing our best to navigate a neurotypical system with neurodivergent brains! Now, let’s see if I follow my own advice…